


Breathe Again

by NoHappyEnding, saemriel



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon/Non AU, M/M, NHE2017, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 05:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13734447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoHappyEnding/pseuds/NoHappyEnding, https://archiveofourown.org/users/saemriel/pseuds/saemriel
Summary: Jongin's world comes crumbling down when Kyungsoo suddenly collapsed amidst their exhilarating activities.





	Breathe Again

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** 2017-006  
>  **Pairing/Main character(s):** D.O./Kai  
>  **Word count:** 7080  
>  **Rating:** PG  
>  **Warning(s):** Spoiler
> 
>  **Author's note:** Prepare some tissues? Or not… LMAO!

 

It was the first day of the encore concert, EXO’rDium Dot in Seoul and things had been going on just fine. The venue was jam packed and their lovely EXO-Ls were screaming at the top of their lungs whenever they enter the stage.

Jongin was pacing back and forth back stage while he waited for the VCR being played outside to be finished.

“Hey, you okay?” Kyungsoo approached him with a look of concern.

“Just a little bit nervous, hyung…” Jongin tried to smile but his heart skipped a beat when Kyungsoo cutely laughed at him with those heart shaped lips.

“Nervous about your little surprise?” Kyungsoo teased, swiftly poking Jongin’s stomach.

“Hyung~~~” Jongin whined.

“Stop worrying too much Jonginnie. Our fans will surely lose it once you show them your surprise. They’ll go crazy and they’ll absolutely love it. I wouldn’t be surprised if you became trending after your solo.” Kyungsoo teased some more.

“Hyung, you are not helping…” Jongin pouted but Kyungsoo just chuckled.

“You’ll be amazing Nini… you always are.” Kyungsoo smiled brightly and gently squeezed Jongin’s shoulder. “The VCR is finishing, you should go to your position. Goodluck Jonginnie…fighting!” Kyungsoo happily raised his fist up.

“Thank you, hyung…” Jongin couldn’t help but smile widely, Kyungsoo’s little prep talk meant a lot to him.

Well honestly, it’s not just the prep talk… its Kyungsoo himself. Kyungsoo meant a lot to Jongin. He had been harboring feelings for the vocalist for so long. Jongin already felt lucky to be one of the closest member to Kyungsoo but it was also the reason why he so was afraid of confessing to Kyungsoo. Jongin didn’t want to lose him. Kyungsoo is his inspiration and his happiness.

“Kai, position…” The staff called out for him which effectively woke him up from his trance.

Jongin walked to where he’ll be entering the stage and as the lights dimmed, he mentally switched off Jongin and turned to his on stage persona ‘KAI’.

 

* * *

 

The whole team went out after the concert to eat before heading back to the dorms. Kyungsoo sat next to Jongin, holding his phone up for Jongin to see.

“Told you, you’ll be trending…” Kyungsoo started teasing again, showing Jongin the trending list on Naver.

“Hyung~~~” Of course Jongin’s default reaction was to whine accompanied with a blush on his cheeks.

“I’ll do it on our next concert…” Sehun chimed in who was sitting next to Jongin and was listening to them.

“I’m sure our fans are already looking forward to it Sehunnie…” Kyungsoo smiled at their youngest member.

“How about you Soo? Everyone’s curious and waiting for your abs special appearance too…” Junmyeon commented.

“I don’t think that’s happening soon… or ever to be honest.” Kyungsoo chuckled.

The rest of the dinner passed in a blur, the members were already tired and they still have two days of concert to do so they quickly had their fill and retired back to the dorm to rest.

 

* * *

 

After the successful encore concert, all of the EXO members were thrown into a packed schedule. They will be having their comeback soon and they have loads of things to do. Dance practice, album recording and the pictorial for the album jacket and photobook. Their repackage album will also be following shortly after the release of their album so they were also learning additional new choreography and they’ll be recording for that too. It was not only that, each member have individual schedules too, especially Kyungsoo who had been casted for another movie again.

But they’ve been EXO for five years now and it was not like it was the first time that they’ve been given a packed as hell schedule. As cruel as it was, the members were already used to it, to go home past midnight and collapse on their beds only to wake up two or three hours after for another day of full schedule.

They were learning the choreography of one of their new songs, Kyungsoo came in late because his script reading finished late so instead of having an hour to rest before heading back to the studio, Kyungsoo had to run back to SM building as soon as the script reading finished.

Jongin and Kyungsoo were partnered up for one part and Jongin immediately noticed how cold Kyungsoo’s hands were when he held it.

“Soo, are you okay? Your hands are too cold…”Jongin asked as they do the next move.

Kyungsoo just nodded, knitting his eyebrows as he focused on what their choreographer was demonstrating for them.

They were facing each other, holding each others arms when Kyungsoo body swayed and he momentarily closed his eyes, quickly finding his balance. Jongin, who was already worried about him when he felt how cold Kyungsoo’s hands were, didn’t miss what happened. He raised his other arm to call their choreographer’s attention.

“Hyung, Kyungsoo’s hands are too cold and I think he is close to fainting seconds ago…” Jongin didn’t hesitate saying.

Kyungsoo’s eyes turned wide then glared at Jongin when he felt everyone’s eyes on him.

“I-I’m okay hyung…” Kyungsoo quickly said.

Junmyeon stared at Kyungsoo and he noticed how pale Kyungsoo was. “Hyung, how about a ten minute break…” he suggested.

The choreographer looked at everyone’s exhausted face and agreed with the suggestion.

As soon as the choreographer left the room, Kyungsoo turned to Jongin and scolded the younger. “I’m okay, you didn’t have to do that!”

“Kyungsoo, don’t get mad at Jongin, he did the right thing.” Junmyeon held Kyungsoo’s hand and Jongin was right, his hands were too cold.

“But hyung, I was already late… we didn’t ---”

“Kyungsoo, we are a team, everyone should be looking out for each other. No one is mad at you for being late and its okay to ask for a break if you are not feeling well. Everyone knows that we all are trying our best to keep up with our schedules” Junmyeon reprimanded.

“Here, keep yourself hydrated…” Junmyeon passed the water bottle to Kyungsoo. “Lie down if you have to…”

Kyungsoo couldn’t do anything but to heed his leader’s advice. He has high respect towards Junmyeon, from how Junmyeon represents EXO when they are on their schedules, for always being attentive of their fans and most importantly for how Junmyeon take care of each member.

Kyungsoo went to the side and rested his back on the wall. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths. Just then he felt someone sat by his side and took his hand to massage it. Kyungsoo opened his eyes and saw that it Jongin massaging his hand.

“It helps with the blood circulation, want me to get you anything?” Jongin offered but Kyungsoo shook his head, raising the water bottle that Junmyeon had just given him.

“I’m okay, by the way… sorry for yelling at you. I just didn’t want to cause more delay.” Kyungsoo lay his head on Jongin’s shoulder.

“Hyung, it’s okay, you know we always understand especially when you have the most schedule among us. Close your eyes and rest, I’ll wake you up when the break is over.” Jongin lay his head by Kyungsoo’s head and continued massaging Kyungsoo’s hand.

 

* * *

 

Their schedule was tight, they were simultaneously working on their new album, the repackage album that will be released just over a month after and the launch of their new concert tour. Members like Kyungsoo have other schedules apart from this and everyone was in awe on how they were all doing this.

However, Jongin was growing worried about Kyungsoo. He often saw Kyungsoo staggering like he was about to faint. He saw it happen after their KoKoBop stage for Inkigayo, after their fansign in Daegu, while they were rehearsing for A-Nation, after their Power comeback stage and many more instances.. Every time he would ask him how he was feeling, Kyungsoo would always just smile and dismiss it as over fatigue.

EXO were already at the venue for the SORIBADA awards. They were in the waiting area where all the artists were staying before boarding the cars take them to the red carpet event. Jongin was teasing Kyungsoo about the cap that the elder was wearing to hide his newly shaved hair when Kyungsoo staggered and shakily took a step back. Jongin was quick to hold him by the arm to help him balance.

“You okay?” Jongin worriedly asked.

Kyungsoo smiled at him and nodded but suddenly his eyes rolled back before falling into Jongin’s arms.

“Hyung!” Jongin picked Kyungsoo up and carried him to the nearest set of chairs. The other members and managers rushed by Kyungsoo side to help him.

One of the managers put a cotton near Kyungsoo’s nose and Kyungsoo weakly opened his eyes. Just then a staff entered their room and told them that EXO will be next up for the red carpet.

“Are you feeling sick Soo?” Junmyeon asked.

“No, hyung…I-I’m okay…” Kyungsoo tried to sit up knowing that they already have to head out but Junmyeon stopped him.

“No, stay here. Rest for a bit more. The red carpet event won’t be long anyways. Stay here and if you really feel sick then don’t hesitate to ask the managers to take you to the hospital.” Junmyeon ordered.

“But h-hyung…” Kyungsoo wanted to retort but Junmyeon shook his head.

“Don’t push yourself too much Soo…” Junmyeon stated firmly.

“Let’s go kids…” Junmyeon called the other members and everyone smiled at Kyungsoo before following Junmyeon out.

Jongin worriedly looked at Kyungsoo for one last time before following the others out. Jongin couldn’t stop worrying about Kyungsoo the whole red carpet event. Once they got back to their waiting room, Jongin rushed to Kyungsoo’s side.

“Is there anything you need hyung?” Jongin fussed over Kyungsoo.

“Jongin, I’m okay. It was just probably the lack of sleep.” Kyungsoo tried to wave it off with a smile.

“You always say that, this is not the first time Soo. Have you even tried to see a doctor?” Jongin asked.

“Jongin, please… we are in an awards show. We are already going to perform without Chanyeol, stop trying to make a big fuss about what happened earlier. I don’t want Junmyeon to sit me out for the performance too. If I said I’m okay then I am okay…” Kyungsoo reasoned.

Jongin couldn’t help but pout, he was just really worried about the other. “If you say so…”

Jongin got up and joined the other members on the stage.

 

* * *

 

It was the third day of their newest concert tour, Planet # 4 - The Elyxion. Everyone was in high spirits even after the three hour performance. The whole team will be having a celebratory dinner for the successful three days, Kyungsoo’s prestigious Blue Dragon Award and Chanyeol’s birthday.

Jongin was changing out of his stage outfit, wiping his sweat with a towel. He could see Kyungsoo from across the room through the mirror in front of him and he secretly smiled, feeling that happy skip of his heart once again. Jongin continued discreetly watching Kyungsoo through the mirror, the other was talking to Baekhyun, laughing at whatever the other vocalist was saying.

Jongin was busy ‘ogling’ over Kyungsoo when Sehun elbowed him, giving him a devious gaze… Sehun’s way of saying that he knew what Jongin had been doing. Jongin just rolled his eyes at Sehun, knowing that the other would keep his mouth shut about what he had been doing but that didn’t mean that Sehun won’t stop teasing him about it.

Jongin was about to snap his wet towel at Sehun for the other to leave him alone when a loud crash happened. Jongin eyes widen, across the room Baekhyun was kneeling beside a non-responsive Kyungsoo.

“What happened?” Jongin rushed to Baekhyun’s side, giving enough space for their on-site medics to check up on Kyungsoo.

“I don’t know, we were just talking about the surprise earlier when he suddenly stopped and clutched his head. I was about to ask if his head hurts when he suddenly collapsed.” Baekhyun shakily explained.

“His pulse is not good, it would be best to take him to the hospital.” The paramedic informed them.

Junmyeon and the managers nodded and made way for the paramedics to put Kyungsoo in the stretcher and discreetly take him out to the waiting ambulance.

“You guys go and get ready. Join the staff at the restaurant, I’ll go with Manager hyung to the hospital.” Junmyeon informed his members.

“Hyung, I want to come to.” Jongin said without hesitations.

“No, Jongin. We don’t want to attract more attention. I promise to call you once he wakes up.” Junmyeon was already putting on his coat and grabbed his bag to follow their manager.

Jongin couldn’t do anything but to follow the other members out to their van. Junmyeon was right, they couldn’t draw attention on this or reporters would flood the hospital.

“He’s been fainting a lot lately…” Jongdae commented. They were in the van and everyone was silently worrying for Kyungsoo.

“We all have individual schedule but his was just…” Minseok sighed. “He’s clearly overworking himself, no wonder he had been fainting a lot lately. It would have help if the filming for Swing Kids wasn’t moved back.”

“Do you think we could ask the management to let Kyungsoo skip most of our December schedule?” Jongin suggested.

“Even if they agree with that, do you think Kyungsoo would allow it? Kyungsoo is as stubborn as anyone of us are, EXO schedule always comes first to him besides he also have a movie coming out in the middle of December. Kyungsoo wouldn’t just sit back and miss it.” Baekhyun stated.

“I’m just scared that this is more than over fatigue. What if it’s something more?” Jongin sighed.

“Don’t think like that, Kyungsoo is a healthy person. At this point, it’s better to think that this is just a case of over work. After December, Kyungsoo can rest more…” Chanyeol tried his best to lighten Jongin’s mood even though he was also worried sick for his friend too.

Jongin and the rest of the members couldn’t concentrate on the whole dinner. They just didn’t want to draw unnecessary attention to them if they suddenly miss the celebratory dinner. Only their managers and a few people know about Kyungsoo’s incident and it was best to kept it that way.

Almost three hours had passed by but there were still no news from Junmyeon, they were already back at their dorm but nobody felt like sleeping just yet. Just then the door rang and Junmyeon entered the dorm, everyone immediately rushed to his side.

“How’s Kyungsoo?” was everyone’s collective question.

“He woke up for awhile but he said his head was aching too much so the doctors gave him some painkillers that eventually got him drowsy so I told him to just rest up. I told the doctors that he had been fainting or close to fainting a lot these past months and they said that they will run some test on them, probably MRI…” Junmyeon explained.

“Kyungsoo can stay in the hospital for a couple of days, he’ll just take the later flight for Hong Kong on the 1st if needed be…” Junmyeon added.

“Can’t he just skip the awards shows so he could rest some more before his Macau schedule?” Jongin suggested.

“Do you really think Soo would agree to that? He don’t even want to stay in the hospital tonight, he wanted to just rest here but I told him to take the tests so we will all be sure that there’s nothing wrong with him.”

Junmyeon put his hand on Jongin’s shoulder. “Trust me, I want him to rest some more too but you know how Kyungsoo is, you know him more than any of us do.”

“Now everyone, rest up. It’s been a long day, tomorrow I’ll ask the managers if we can go visit Kyungsoo. Happy Birthday by the way Yeol, are you going home tonight?”

“Thanks hyung, I already called mom, I told her I’ll just go home tomorrow morning.” Chanyeol answered.

The rest of the members greeted Chanyeol before finally retiring to their rooms. Jongin headed to Kyungsoo’s room, instead of his own and lay on Kyungsoo’s bed hoping that Kyungsoo’s scent on his pillows would finally lull him to sleep.

“Please be okay, Soo…”

 

* * *

 

Kyungsoo’s MRI results were out, only Junmyeon and their manager were at the room at that time.

“Good morning, I am Dr. Yoo, neurologist, and this is Dr. Kang, neuro-oncologist.”

“Oncologist? Cancer?” Kyungsoo burst out.

“Mr. Do, for better diagnosis, we have to run some more test on you.” Dr. Yoo diverted.

“Just be honest with me, what are we looking at? Dr. Kang?” Kyungsoo bravely asked.

“MRI scans shows, brain stem… tumor. Brain stem glioma, we need to run some more test to specify the classification of the tumor.”

Kyungsoo gasped and Junmyeon was looking at him with wide eyes. Kyungsoo had to take a deep breath before speaking. “I have a full schedule for December, can we do it on January?”

“The sooner we do the test, the sooner we could also start with the treatments” Dr. Yoo answered.

“Treatments? Chemo?”

“Chemotherapy and Radiotherapy are two of the most common treatment for brain stem glioma.”

“How about surgery?” Junmyeon interjected.

“As much as possible, we don’t do surgeries for brain stem tumors. The area is small as it is and there are many vital nerve endings that can be damage.” Dr. Yoo explained.

“How about life expectancy doctor?” Kyungsoo asked.

“It always depends on the progression of the tumor. In general for brain stem glioma, we are looking at ten months to six years.” Dr. Kang replied.

Kyungsoo drew another sharp breath while Junmyeon seemed to be in shock. The room was quiet for a few minutes, the doctors expecting this kind of reaction.

“We know this is a lot to take in but we hope that you’ll do the additional tests sooner, so we can start on the treatment. We’ll be going ahead for now, we’ll explain it more thoroughly after the additional tests.” Dr. Kang waited for Kyungsoo to nod before exiting the room with Dr. Yoo.

“I’ll try to take the additional tests in between our December schedules. I’ll take the treatment after filming Swing Kids, hopefully we’ll get it done by the end of February.” Kyungsoo informed his leader and his manager of his decision.

“Shouldn’t you take the treatment much more sooner than that?” Junmyeon pressed on.

“Chemo will make me weak and I have responsibilities to take care of, at least the ones that are already scheduled. I want to do my job well while I still can.” Kyungsoo insisted.

“You know what this means too right? I need to pull out of EXO…” Kyungsoo couldn’t even look at Junmyeon as he said those words.

“You are not pulling out of EXO, you are taking a break.” Junmyeon took Kyungsoo’s hand, held it tightly and smiled. “You will get that treatment and get better. You will get to sing for our EXOLs once again after you get better.”

Kyungsoo’s heart shaped lips curved up into a smile, oh how we would love to stand on stage with his members and sing for their EXOLs once again after all of this is done. Kyungsoo promised to himself that he won’t give up easily, he would fight…he would take a break from EXO to get better and he will definitely be back.

“Junmyeon, don’t tell them about this just yet. I want to be the one to tell them…” Kyungsoo requested.

“Yes, of course…” Junmyeon moved closer and hugged Kyungsoo. He wanted Kyungsoo to know that he’ll be there for him…always.

 

* * *

 

Kyungsoo’s schedules went on as usual but of course with Junmyeon and the managers discreetly watching over him. Kyungsoo told Junmyeon that he didn’t want to tell the rest of their members about his sickness until after all their Japan promotions for Countdown. Kyungsoo didn’t want his members constantly worrying about him throughout their promotions. Kyungsoo knew that things will change after he tell the members about it and he honestly wasn’t ready for things to change.

Days seemed to passed by so fast and before Kyungsoo knew it, their Countdown promotions were done and so was his filming for Swing Kids. Kyungsoo had just been on a meeting with the management about his treatment and his hiatus on EXO, now all that was left was to tell his members the truth.

It was one rare day that everyone were free and were just lazying around the dorm. They had just finished lunch and Junmyeon announced that they will have a family meeting, commence the whining from everyone except Kyungsoo who actually asked Junmyeon’s help to gather everyone.

Everyone was in the living room, settling where they were comfortable. Minseok was on the single couch with Jongdae sitting on the floor by his legs. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were also sitting on the floor leaning on their coffee table. Yixing, Jongin and Sehun were on the long couch and was about to discuss their plans for a new choreography. Kyungsoo and Junmyeon were the last ones to enter the room, Kyungsoo sat on the couch opposite of Minseok while Junmyeon stood in front of them.

“We have something important to discuss. Kyungsoo have something important to say, please don’t interrupt him,let him finish everything he needs to say… this isn’t easy for anyone.” Junmyeon gave Kyungsoo an encouraging smile before sitting by his side, his hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

The members then looked at Kyungsoo in both confusion and interest because even in private, Kyungsoo didn’t like drawing attention on himself. Kyungsoo had to close his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Kyungsoo was nervous as hell and he looked up at Junmyeon like he wanted to back out.

“You were the one who said that it was time to tell them…” Junmyeon gently reminded him, giving him an encouraging smile.

“Uhm…” Kyungsoo took another deep breath before continuing. “I’m pulling out of EXO…”

“Taking a break, Kyungsoo…” Junmyeon couldn’t help but correct him. “Kyungsoo is taking a break from EXO activities.”

Everyone’s attention were still on Kyungsoo silently seeking for an explanation because what the hell?, do they really have to deal with a member leaving for the fourth time? And Kyungsoo knew what they were thinking, he could see the same confusion and pain in their eyes like it did back then.

“Well, it isn’t just EXO activities I’m taking a break from, I’m taking a break from everything.” Kyungsoo gulped when he saw more confusion in his members eyes. He took another deep breath because now he had to tell them why. He could feel Junmyeon gently rubbing his back, comforting him.

“My doctors found something in my brain scans. They say its brain stem glioma, some kind of brain cancer.” Kyungsoo confessed and he could see the confusion in their eyes turn into pure shock.

“You all know I never want to leave you guys but I have to…” Kyungsoo’s voice trembled, his jaw tensing as he blew out a shaky breath. “I want to get that treatment so my ten months hopefully will extend to six years. I want to get better so I can perform with all of you again. I want to fight this, I want to get better…”

Kyungsoo wiped his tears, trying his best to stay calm and not breakdown in front of them. “Guess, I’ll be bald for much more longer.” He laughed awkwardly, trying to pass a joke but no one laughed not even Chanyeol who laughs at the smallest things.

The room was quiet after that, each one trying to process what Kyungsoo had said. Minseok was the first one to stood up and approached Kyungsoo, sitting next to him and draping an arm over Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“Of course you do that, you fight and don’t you dare give up.Don’t worry about the dorm, I’ll keep it clean until you get back.” Minseok tried to smile and laugh but his tears betrayed him. He immediately wiped it. “You fight this Soo, we will all be here for you.”

Minseok placed a kiss on Kyungsoo’s head and pulled him into a tight hug. One by one the members moved to hug Kyungsoo until they all pile into a big group hug. Words weren’t necessary anymore because Kyungsoo could feel it, he already knew that they understand, that they care and that they would be always be there for him.

But one person remained in his seat and was just staring blankly in front of him.

“You’ve known about this since November and you still pushed yourself to do all our schedules?” Jongin finally talked but the anger in his tone startled everyone. “Our Japan promotions! Our concert stops! Swing kids?! You put that first when you could have started the treatment as soon as December!”

Jongin then turned to Junmyeon. “Hyung how could you still let him do all that?! pushing his health aside!”

“Jongin, don’t talk to Junmyeon like that, I was the one who wanted to it, he was just respecting my decision…” Kyungsoo quickly defended their leader.

Jongin kicked the coffee table aside and stood up, angrily leaving them and headed to his room.

The members looked at each other, confused at Jongin’s sudden anger. Junmyeon was about to go and check up on him but Kyungsoo stopped him.

“No hyung, I’ll go talk to him.” Kyungsoo smiled at their leader and Junmyeon just nodded knowing that Kyungsoo understood Jongin better more than anyone else.

Jongin’s door was ajar so Kyungsoo just stepped inside and closed the door after him. Jongin was sitting at the edge of his bed, head down and shoulders shaking. Kyungsoo walked up to him and knelt on the floor in front of Jongin. He reached up and with a gentle smile, he wiped Jongin’s tears away.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? This is the biggest secret you kept from me, Soo.” Jongin met Kyungsoo gaze and his eyes started to water again.

Kyungsoo took Jongin’s hands and held it tightly. He stood up and sat on the edge of the bed too, making Jongin face him.

“I told myself that I’ll just finish all the commitments that are already scheduled before going for the treatment. I asked Junmyeon to keep it from you guys in the meantime because I didn’t want to worry anyone and most especially you.” Kyungsoo wiped Jongin’s cheeks again, his hand lingering on Jongin’s face a lot longer and Jongin just leaned on to his touch.

“Kyungsoo…” Jongin reached up for Kyungsoo’s hand on his face and kept it there while he weep into Kyungsoo’s hand.

“Please, Kyungsoo…” Jongin stared at Kyungsoo through his own tears. “Please…”

_Please don’t leave me…_

Kyungsoo smiled and nodded like he heard those unspoken words. He pulled his hand out of Jongin’s grasp and pulled Jongin into a tight embrace.

 

* * *

 

SM announced Kyungsoo’s hiatus from EXO a week after the members were informed. In an official statement, they explained what Kyungsoo was going through and the treatment that he would have to undergo. Fans showered Kyungsoo with support and prayers, telling him to not give up and to continue fighting. They made sure that Kyungsoo knew that they will support him and wait for him to come back no matter how long it would take.

In the next months, Kyungsoo went in and out of the hospital for his treatment. Whenever he was not in pain or feeling weak due to his medication, Kyungsoo would write songs, imagining himself standing on stage once again and singing it.

Jongin and the other members would often visit him in their free time and if Kyungsoo was feeling a whole lot better, he would go and visit them at the dorm and cook for them.

 

* * *

 

It was the last day of EXO’s three day Elyxion Dot in Seoul. The members had an early call time because there would be a press conference at lunch. Jongin had already got his hair and make up done and had nothing to do anymore so he looked for a more quiet place backstage to call Kyungsoo.

“Hi Soo, did I wake you up?” Jongin excitedly greeted after the call connected.

“No Jongin, how are you?” Kyungsoo greeted back, pushing the phone away from him when he let out a series of coughs.

“The stylists are done with me so I thought of calling you. Are you okay? That sounded bad… Are you still feeling weak?” Jongin asked worried about the after effects of the chemotherapy Kyungsoo had the other day.

“Feeling much better today than yesterday. My doctors and nurses are taking good care of me here Jongin…” Kyungsoo chuckled if only to alleviate Jongin’s worry.

“Well, can I go visit you later after the concert?”

“Aren’t you gonna be so tired by then? You should be resting, you’ve been so busy with the concert these past days…”

“Last week, you told me not to visit you and just focus on the concert preparation and I did just that. I’m not tired and I miss you already, please let me visit…hyuuunngggg~~~~” Jongin whined.

“Okay…” Kyungsoo laughed, he could imagine Jongin pouting. “But tell Junmyeon first, lets not make him worry over your whereabouts again…”

“Yeah…” Jongin giggled at the memory of Junmyeon calling him a couple times wondering where he was when he forgot to tell him that he will be visiting Kyungsoo.

“Uhm, Soo I have to go back now.” Jongin stated when the manager saw him and signaled him to go back to their waiting room.

“Oh, yeah. You guys be careful okay, I hope the concert ends without anyone getting hurt especially you Jongin…don’t overwork your waist.”

“Thank you Soo, by the way is there anything you want that I can bring later?” Jongin offered.

“Nothing Jongin, just get here safely. See you later…”

“See you later hyung…” Jongin ended the call feeling a whole lot better after hearing Kyungsoo’s voice.

 

* * *

 

Just a few minutes before the concert was about to start, EXO were already waiting at the back of the giant LED screen when Jongin asked for his phone and then he called Kyungsoo again. This time its a video call, the members gathered behind Jongin, happily waving at Kyungsoo.

“It’s about to start hyung…” Jongin grinned, shouting because the screams outside were getting louder. Jongin panned the phone around so Kyungsoo could see all the members.

“Good luck guys, be safe.” Kyungsoo smiled, happy to see his friends.

They passed Jongin’s phone around, saying a short message to Kyungsoo. After everyone had greeted, Jongin panned his camera to a small gap in the stage where he could capture the audience excited for the concert to start.

“They miss you too Soo, next year you’ll be standing here with us and you can sing for them again…” Jongin smiled at the camera, looking at Kyungsoo’s face.

“I hope so too, Jongin…”

The two were staring at each other through the phone. Jongin raised his hand and waved at Kyungsoo. “See you later, Soo…”

 

* * *

 

The concert went on just fine. EXO just got down after the encore when the manager hesitantly approached Junmyeon, despite being tired, Junmyeon was attentive at the sudden change of mood of their managers, he even saw some of the stylists hiding from them… sobbing.

Junmyeon pulled his manager to the side. “Something happened…” Junmyeon stated demanding for an explanation.

“T-The hospital called… Kyungsoo, he…” The manager took a deep breath and shook his head and it was all Junmyeon needed to know to understand the sudden change of mood.

“Cardiac arrest, ten minutes ago..” the manager put his hand on Junmyeon’s shoulder and squeezed it as the leader started to tremble and his eyes started to water.

“No…” Junmyeon whispered looking around at his members who were busy trying to cool themselves down.

Jongin, who was wiping his sweat with a towel approached him. “Hyung, I know it’s late but can I go visit Kyungsoo…”

Jongin looked up at their leader and noticed the other was wiping his tears. “What’s wrong hyung, are you hurt somewhere?” Jongin’s voice was a little loud due to his sudden worry and it caught the attention of the rest of their members.

Junmyeon looked at their manager, then to Jongin, then to the other members.

“Jongin…” Junmyeon lips trembled, his tears escaping as he reached out for Jongin’s hand.

“Hyung, what’s wrong?” Sehun walked up to him and the rest of the member’s followed, forming a circle around Junmyeon.

Junmyeon held Jongin’s hand tightly, taking deep breaths as his tears just won’t stop. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times to tell them but he just couldn’t say it. Jongdae was rubbing his back now, trying to calm him down and he knew his members were growing more worried as more time pass by but he just couldn’t say it.

The people around them, their managers tried to hold back their own tears, tried to look away as Junmyeon was slowly breaking down but a few sobs escaped and Jongin noticed it. Jongin looked around and everyone was avoiding his gaze.

“Why is everyone crying, what the hell is happening?” Jongin voiced out and he felt Junmyeon’s hold on him tightened even more.

Junmyeon looked at him through his tears, he took a deep breath. “K-Kyung-Kyungsoo…” Junmyeon shook his head as another sob raked his body.

“What about Kyungsoo?” Jongin feigned innocence although deep inside he already knew. He refused to believe it, he needed them to say it.

The other members were to shock to say anything.They all couldn’t believe it. Baekhyun almost fell to the ground as his knees weaken, thankfully Chanyeol and Yixing were able to hold on to him.

“What are you guys on about? Kyungsoo will be upset once he found out that you are all pulling a joke on him like this.” Jongin shook his head, eyeing his members who were silently crying.

“I’ll call him and put him on speaker to scold you all…” Jongin grabbed his phone and dialed Kyungsoo’s number.

Jongin smirked when the call connected on the first ring. “Soo!”

“Jongin? This is Seungsoo…” Everyone heard Kyungsoo’s brother’s voice.

“Hyung, where is Kyungsoo?Tell him, I’ll just go change and I’ll be on my way.” Jongin didn’t give up.

“J-Jongin, haven’t they told you yet?” Seungsoo’s voice was a bit hesitant. “Kyungsoo’s gone, he had a heart attack…”

Jongin dropped his phone. They could still hear Seungsoo’s voice calling for Jongin. One of the managers picked up the phone and continued talking to Seungsoo outside of the room.

Jongin was still not moving, staring at the ground where he dropped his phone. Junmyeon tried to reach up for his hand but he pulled away from Junmyeon’s touch.

“This is bullshit!” Jongin screamed and when he lifted his head, his tears were already falling. “I told him I’ll be visiting and he told me he’ll see me, he told me he’ll wait for me!”

“Kyungsoo’s not fucking dead!” Jongin angrily screamed before running out of the room. Sehun immediately running after him along with their managers.

“The van’s ready…we’ll take you all to the hospital.” One of their managers informed the rest of EXO. “Mihwak will direct Sehun and Jongin to the van too…”

The whole ride to the hospital was quiet save from the muffled sob coming from Baekhyun and Jongin. The other member were either looking out of the window or had their head down, tears cascading down their faces. Nobody expected such news, they were supposed to be celebrating the success of their latest tour and not crying over losing their friend, someone who they considered their brother.

None of the members felt the exhaustion from the concert, their hearts were too heavy to acknowledge the physical exhaustion. All they wanted was to get to the hospital as soon as possible and see Kyungsoo for the very last time.

 

* * *

 

It was hard for the members to get back to their schedules after Kyungsoo left but they also know that Kyungsoo would have wanted them to continue on. Among the members, it was Jongin who had it the hardest.

Jongin didn’t just lost a friend and a brother, he lost the man who made his heart skip a beat, he lost the man who made him fall in love and the worst part of it all was that he never got the courage to say it to Kyungsoo. It was one of Jongin’s biggest regret.

Almost a year had passed since Kyungsoo left, Jongin released his first mini album. His title song was very special for him because it was written by Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo had written songs for each of the members and it was given to Junmyeon by Seungsoo after Kyungsoo’s funeral. It was Kyungsoo’s last gift to his members.

Jongin only had Kyungsoo in his mind when they were making the album. He knew that Kyungsoo was now watching over him and Jongin wanted to make him proud.

There on the last page of Jongin’s solo album, in the middle of the grey page, two sentences with Jongin’s handwriting was inked in gold.

A simple dedication… for the one who made his heart skip.

 **_You know I love you the most, right?_ ** **_I miss you._ **


End file.
